Oliver Perez: "Fuck You Country Time!"

It's been a while since Mets fans have seen a stretch of baseball quite like we have the past week.  There was a walk-off HBP, an elderly gentleman in military fatigues crushing a game-winning HR, and 46 Billy Wagner blown saves.  What does it all mean?  Mediocrity my friends, dewy-sweet mediocrity.

It's not as if we haven't known.  As mentioned on countless other blogs and premium news outlets, the Metropolitans are a .500 team whose only (non)redeeming quality is the ability to play that .500 baseball not by intermittent stretches of 2 wins followed by 2 losses, but by stringing together 9-2 streaks where all once again becomes right with the world only to follow them with 3-7 B-horror movie-esque stretches of ineptitude.

2006 was it my friends.  It was all Freddie Coupons & Co. needed to get your asses into the seats for the arrival of CitiField.  The current team is just good enough that people will be duped into the eternal "You Gotta Believe" and just bad enough that even if you happen to be the Dalai Lama no amount of believing is going to make a difference.

The luxury boxes at Wilpon Stadium supposedly have a three-year wait to get in (admittedly hearsay, I believe Coop of MSF stated this on the FU Forums, but this isn't the NYT).  As long as Omar doesn't run the 2002-04 Mets out there for the next 5 or so years people will show up and hemorrhage their cash on $9 beers while violently participating in "Everybody Clap Your Hands."

Enjoy mediocre baseball from a sub-mediocre organization.  I'll be sitting right there next to you every step of the way.

And It Begins

As everyone is already well aware, Moises is out for 4-6 weeks with a hernia. Since nobody reading here missed last season, it's safe to say that we can assume that means more like 6-8 weeks. Why is this inevitable injury such a big deal? I'm glad you asked, fellow sports fans.

It's a big deal because it exposes the ridiculously laughable lack of productive corner outfielders in the organization. Fiery comments about the Lastings trade aside, it's a touch comforting to know that even without the Lastings trade we'd be stuck in the same predicament -- except Da Edge would be in RF instead of the man who currently vomits everytime he sees daylight.

Omar held a press conference today to address the "Alou situation" and claimed that there was a good chance the team would fill the hole "with someone internal right now." I'd imagine so since there's nobody left to trade besides F-Mart and Niese and I'd imagine they're both untouchable right now -- but assuming Omar does stand pat, let's take a look at what will be coming out of the LF spot for the first month and a half to two months of the season. Drumroll...

Angel Pagan: Impressive so far this spring, but underwhelming for his career. His 2008 PECOTA looks like this: .249/.313/.389. Not terrible, but not what you want from a corner outfielder. He's good defensively though!

Endy Chavez: Oh, that's right. He's injured too! We know he's great with the glove - but we also know that when he plays every day he's just not a servicable option in a corner OF spot. 2008 PECOTA: .282/.334/.362

Damion Easley: Oops! Another one bites the dust. Plus the fact that he's an infielder.

Marlon Anderson: Another IF whose holes become glaring if he plays everyday. His PECOTA looks better than Pagan's though - but perhaps not enough to offset the defensive dropoff: .264/.346/.430

Now let's take a trip down trade-some-more-prospects-for-a-quick-fix lane and examine some options that are universally regarded as "available" should Omar decide to make a deal:

Xavier Nady: Perfect fit and would love to see it - but who are we trading to get him? 2008 PECOTA: .280/.340/.470

Matt Murton: Meh. In the words of BP: "Let's be honest, Matt Murton is a good, well rounded hitter, but it looks as though he's going to peak as about a .275-EqA bat, and you can subtract a few points from that for his propensity to make boneheaded plays in the OF" PECOTA puts him around the same offensive output as Nady: .295/.359/.462

Scott Hairston: Yeah. That'll work. .258/.332/.469 - Maybe if he could replicate his .644 SLG from last season's stint with the Padres, but I doubt it considering that number was preceded by a .222/.301/.358 performance in Arizona over the first half of the season. He has had a SLG above .600 in AAA but he strikes out a ton and doesn't walk nearly enough. The verdict? Let him stay in SD and forever curse Trevor Hoffman's name.

Nelson Cruz: Find a non-die hard who even knows who he is and I'll mail you a dollar. PECOTA's got him at .256/.323/.453 for 2008. Not terrible, but not worth giving up anything to get in return.

So that's it. That is your depressing tour of what one of the "power" positions will likely look like for April and most of May 2008. Ladies and gentlemen, your 2008 New York Mets!

Worried Yet?

Despite all the feel good "he broke down his swing and built it back from scratch" articles, Delgado still can't catch up with an inside fastball. And he's hurt again.

El Duque's many root canals are catching up with him. He hasn't even thrown batting practice yet.

Luis Castillo may not ever play in a spring game because his knees are held together by bazooka and masking tape.

Ruben Gotay's ankle may been broken and now we have to be ready to cross our fingers that Stache can make a much speedier recovery than expected and be on the bench for Opening Day.

Filthy Sanchez had an "underwhelming" fastball when he threw on Friday and hasn't even long tossed since. The Professor says that he's "still building arm strength."

Ryan Church had his possibly anti-semitic clock rung by Marlon Anderson and has to wear sunglasses to protect his sensitive eyes from the light.

And as if it couldn't get any worse, Wally Matthews ripped off an idea from the Mets blogosphere and penned a column suggesting "funny" slogans for the Mets to adopt this season. To add insult to injury, his final "witty" suggestion is "Wake Me Up When September Ends." Way to stay on top of those pop culture references Wally...but Benigno and Screech used the song for their fantastic montage of the final day of the season's highlights.

Ladies and Gentlemen, your 2008 New York Mets!