Welcome Back

As the Nationals head into Shea for three games this week, it will be interesting to see a few things. First, the reception that Lastings and Captain Red Ass receive and second, the quotes Willie will have about it. There's a little part of me that wants Lastings to beat the Mets at least once with a walk-off hit, or even just to have a big game - if only to see what Willie has to say about it.

Well, last year Pelfrey threw 77% fastballs and Milledge hit .318 off fastballs. Here's hoping Big Pelf keeps them outside and low.

EDIT 7:25: A scorched 2B and caught stealing third...not bad considering he was safe. Not to be outdone, Ryan Church had a nice AB against a lefty and hit one right back up the box for a single.

EDIT 8:04: Why is Church bunting? If it's on his own it's stupid - if it's Willie it's going up on the big board of dumb moves. Castillo, bunt. Church? What are they doing?

Fun With Small Sample Sizes: Part I

Yeah, so I ripped off the title from FJM. Sue me.

After three games, Blastings! Thrilledge needs to close up shop. Because while Lastings may be hitting .294/.368/.471 with a 126 OPS+, he's no Ryan Church. Shit, he's no Brian Schneider!

                 BA  / OBP / SLG / OPS+    

Ryan Church:    .385  .429  .615  184

Brian Schneider .400  .500  .400  152 

But neither of these heroes of the first week can hod a candle to the immortal former Cyclone himself. The man who made all of us cringe as we thought of his name in the starting lineup. Yup, Angel Pagan is on pace to hit a super human .400/.500/.600 with a 202 OPS+! Take that sabermetrician basement nerds!

The scrappy Brady Clark, however, is on pace to do exactly what we expected: .000/.000/.000

Coming Sunday, the first of the weekly "Bend Ya Knees" and "TOAST!" Milledge and LoDuca updates.

The One Thing I Miss About Captain Red Ass

Dear Brian Schneider,

This is a hockey goalie's mask:


This is a catcher's mask:

Please make the appropriate adjustments. Thank you.

Captain Red Ass Speaks

Breaking his long silence since being named in the Mitchell Report, the author of the famous "my phone is TOAST" note on Dodgers stationary has expressed his deep sorrow and regret.

"In regards to Senator [George] Mitchell's report," Lo Duca said in a written statement, "I apologize to my family, all my fans and to the entire baseball community for [the] mistakes in judgment I made in the past and for the distractions that resulted. I am fully committed to being the best player and person I can be, on and off the field, for the Washington Nationals and the entire baseball community.

"I recognize the importance of my role in the community as a professional athlete, and I intend to focus my energies on making a positive impact in that regard. So that I can focus on making positive contributions and avoid creating further distractions, I respectfully decline to comment any further on the content of the Mitchell Report."

Good damage control Paulie, but you're still bat-shit crazy. Both for cheating on your playmate wife with Stoneonta's finest and trying to kill umpires after a strike two call.

Oh, and by the way, don't think that just because Crazy Eyes is off the juice he's not still going to go .500/6/36 in the 18 games the Mets play the Nats. The 2008 Mets: Your Beatdown at the Hands of LoDuca and Milledge Has Come!

TOAST!

From pg. 208 of the Mitchell Report:

"Paul Lo Duca is a catcher who has played with three teams in Major League Baseball since 1998, the Los Angeles Dodgers (7 seasons), Florida Marlins (2 seasons), and New York Mets (2 seasons). He has appeared in four All-Star games. Todd Hundley referred Lo Duca to Radomski when Lo Duca played for the Dodgers. Radomski estimated that he engaged in six or more transactions with Lo Duca. In some transactions, Radomski sent the performance enhancing substances by overnight mail to Lo Duca’s home or to the Dodgers clubhouse and Lo Duca sent Radomski a check a week or so later."

Now we know why Omar was so shrewd in not signing Captain Red Ass....he had an inside source all along.

In other news, Hundley was also named so I'm giving the single season Mets HR record to Piazza. There's specific accounts of Clemens injecting himself during the 2000 WS so we should give that title to the Mets as well...Of course we probably would have never got to the NLCS in '99 because Todd Pratt was named too.

Hopefully you picked up the sarcasm there. It is shocking, however, to see how many mediocre to horrible players were (supposedly) juicing. Gary Bennett?!?!? Josias Manzanillo?!?!?!?!?!?!!? Yeah, the 'roids did a lot for their ability...

If you want to read a fascinating account of grown men attempting to inject unknown substances into their asses, failing at it, and then asking another grown man to inject their asses for them then by all accounts read the Mitchell report.

If you're like me and just don't give a shit anymore, it may be worth it for the unintentional comedy value. Take this gem of a note from LoDuca's lengthy section:

"Kirk, Sorry! But for some reason they sent the check back to me. I haven’t been able to call you back because my phone is TOAST! I have a new # it is [Lo Duca’s phone number is listed here]. Please leave your # again because I lost all of my phonebook with the other phone. Thanks Paul"

TOAST! That Captain Red Ass!

More to follow.

You Pick Your New Wallpaper and/or Screensaver

With all due respect to Metstradamus and his impeccable photoshopping skills... Doesn't the real thing hurt so much more?

Remember everyone complaining about the Mets not having any heart? Not playing with any emotion? Not caring about choking away a 7 game lead in the middle of September?

Apparently the solution was to get rid of the two guys who may have actually gave a fuck.

I was on board with the Milledge trade when it happened...now, I'm not so sure. The thought of Captain Red Ass and Da Edge combining to hit .500 with 20 HR against Met pitching in 2008 isn't particularly appetizing.

But rest assured loyal Mets fans, this upstanding gentleman who exited the clubhouse after the quite epic collapse looking like this should be fully healed and ready to go just in time for spring training.

No more stories of barely legal girls from Oneonta instead of smoking hot playmate wives. No more articulate rap songs praising the benefits of deep knee bends. Just someone named Carlos telling the media that this team is so good that sometimes they just get bored.

The Team! The Time! The Utter Humiliation!

Sometimes It's Better To Keep The Old Mouth Shut

Keith Hernandez is a prophet. Jimmy Rollins is going to have to hit .400/50/150 to back up his mouth at this point. (Photo swiped from Adam Rubin's Surfing the Mets Blog)

Update: LoDuca goes yard in the top of the first, Delgado drops a routine toss from Jose "Pink Panther Moustache" Valentin on the first hitter in the bottom half and Glavine promptly walks Renteria on 4 pitches...Chipper pops up and I cross my fingers.